Signs… I think?

Sometimes I get these feelings. I never know how to explain them, and nine times out of ten I sound crazy and get nods as people pretend to understand when I’m almost certain they don’t. But I get these feelings that I don’t think I can even describe as “gut feelings” because I don’t just feel them in my gut – I feel them in my head, my heart, my gut – everywhere. And every time I feel them, something happens. Every. Time. I don’t mean I’ve felt this way twice and something just so happened on that day, I mean I’ve felt it quite a few times, and usually I tell my friends, and next thing I know I’m getting word that something has happened (it’s not usually good). Anyways, for the past week or so I’ve had this lingering feeling that I can’t quite put my finger on.

Before I came back to school, I had a really weird dream. The only reason it stood out to me so much is because I almost never remember my dreams and I remembered a lot from this one. Quite a bit happened in the dream, but the main thing that caught my attention was the fact that there was a bear that loved everybody but me. It was a therapy pet for someone on campus (I didn’t say it was a realistic dream) and every time it saw me it would growl and move towards me. When I woke up, I don’t know why but I felt like I should look up what this meant. I found that having a dream about an angry bear meant that you or someone you know has a secret that needs to be brought to the surface.

Flash forward a few weeks and I kept having this feeling that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. I’ve had multiple reoccurring dreams where a friend or someone was keeping something from me. Then for almost an entire week I wake up and check my phone at exactly 8:17 am. I’m not kidding – every day. I went to a FCA United event on my campus at the end of the week and a student was talking about his favorite bible verse. He said that he found the verse because he woke up at the same time every day and, out of curiosity, checked every bible verse that correlates to that time to see if he could find any meaning to it. (Sound familiar?) I went back to my dorm and did the same thing. I went through every book in the Bible and skimmed any 8:17 verses, and guess what I found in Luke 8:17 – “For nothing is hid that shall not be made manifest; nor anything secret, that shall not be known and come to light.” Are you freaking out? Because I’m freaking out.

I’m not sure where this repeated pattern of secrecy is coming from, especially at a time where I’m trying my best to be more vulnerable. Maybe they’re all a constant reminder of a life I’m trying to embrace, or maybe it’s all a sign of what’s to come (yikes). If I’m being honest, I’m not even sure why I’m writing all of this for a post because I’m not sure if there’s a lesson or advice that adheres to whatever is happening. Maybe I thought writing about it would make it sound a little less crazy, but I think it all seems even weirder now. Maybe there’s a lesson here on why you shouldn’t google what your dream means… don’t overthink things, kids. You’ll end up like me.

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